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Trauma

So often the word “trauma” freaks people out. Just the mention of the word can feel triggering to those who have it and it can also trigger those who are scared at the thought of having it. It gains a bad wrap because it is often portrayed as something HUGE, SCARY and PERMANENT. But the key to moving on from trauma is to understanding what it is, where it is and how to work WITH it, not against it.

Let’s lay some foundations first as to what trauma is, how common it is and how most of us living on this planet have experienced it. Much to peoples surprise, Trauma is NOT the event of what happened. It is the body’s REACTION to overwhelming stimulation that happened at the time the event occurred or was continuously occurring.

For example, take the instance of two people being involved in the same event. One can be deeply affected by the event, and yet the other isn’t. That event continues to have a lasting effect on the first person, yet the second person can move forward in life seemingly unaffected.

This is as a result of how the body reacted to the event at the time it happened or was continuously

happening. This demonstrates that trauma does not occur in what happened but is as a result of the internal response of each individual.

What this then means is, we have power in shifting and moving on from the trauma as we can change our bodies response as opposed to needing to change the event that happened, which is

not possible.

Here are some examples of what trauma can be :

Having a childhood where you are more the parent than the child

Not having your emotional needs met as a child

Not having your physical needs met as a child

Death of a parent or close family member

Divorce of parents

Being bullied

Having to move a lot as a child

Emotional abuse

Physical Abuse

Having a parent that was chronically ill

Having a parent that was mentally or emotionally ill

Living in an environment where parents fought regularly.

Not having been communicated with regularly as a child

Not feeling safe in your environment

Being denied your reality or feelings ie – “stop that crying, get over it, oh that didn’t hurt.”

High stress work environment

Child of chronically stressed parents

Physical illness or injury

Operations

As you can see there are quite few items in that list that are commonly experienced by many. Often those experiences aren’t realised to be the cause of trauma and are not associated with symptoms that show up as a result of that trauma later on in life.

The power in awareness is that once we know something we have the choice to change it. Once we are aware that what we are experiencing is as a result of trauma, we can work with our bodies to heal it and in turn move forward and experience life in a completely different way.

So how do we know if we are experiencing trauma in our lives now ?

The answer here is …it shows up in our bodies.

At the time of a stressful event or continuous stressful event, our autonomic nervous system switches on and assesses the safety of the situation. The autonomic nervous system controls our internal environment automatically, working beneath our awareness and level of consciousness.

It is a primitive, natural and organic system.

There are two branches of the autonomic nervous system. Sympathetic: Activates the flight & fight response. Parasympathetic: Also called rest & digest, is the system that conserves our energy. But there is also a separate branch of the Parasympathetic that is called the Dorsal response and this ultimately activates the freeze or shut down response when the sympathetic response can not be activated. The above responses happen in service of our safety.

These branches work together and in response to safety and danger. That means, we automatically adjust to cues of safety or danger. Interestingly, these cues can be from the external environment, within our own bodies, or simply from our perception. And the thing here is our perception beats reality. So even if the situation was safe, if we FELT unsafe in the situation we will react accordingly.

Often at the time of the event or continuous event when our cues of danger come on line into our body we can not do the thing we needed to do at the time to find safety, as it wasn’t safe to do so.

Maybe we wanted to run, but froze. Maybe we wanted fight, but it wasn’t safe to act out. When we can’t act out the thing we need to do at the time in order to bring ourselves to true safety and nervous system regulation then we have an incomplete nervous system response in our body, also know as a dis-regulated nervous system.

This is how the trauma response gets TRAPPED in the body. We get stuck in a survival response, where our body is always perceiving a threat and acting accordingly. What then happens is, every time we perceive threat or danger or we are experiencing a stressful situation (which even these days can be the pinging of notifications on our phone), even if the event isn’t actually unsafe, our body will react as it did back at the time of that main instigating event/s from the past and will go into the response in the body as if it is actually still happening in real time. Often we are unaware our current actions have to do with the reaction to a past event.

Here are some ways trauma responses may show up continually in our lives

through the Sympathetic Response:

• Feeling out of synch with others..this may feel like you can’t connect with people.

• Feeling alarmed, always on the defence at the smallest of things.

• Feeling anxious, heart racing, throughs racing, overwhelm, panic, doing and not resting.

• Hyper vigilant, hyper aware of your surroundings and everyone in it. Can also be seen

as sensitivity.

• Misreading cues – inability to read social cues or jumping to conclusions.

• Listening for sounds of danger, can often feel jumpy at the sudden noises.

• Bursts of anger, flying off the handle for the smallest of reasons, responses are out of

proportion for the incident.

• Comparing ourselves to others.

• Judging others.

• Driving to compete.

• Anger, rage, fear, frustration, body wants to move, increased adrenaline and cortisol.

• Anxiety, panic attacks, the need to control external circumstances.

• Disrupted sleep, bursts of energy and then fatigue.

• Common sensations: increased heart rate, heavy breathing, muscle rigidity, tightness in

chest, shaking, perspiration, dizziness, fainting, sweaty palms, overall tightness, heat,

shaking, fidgety, too much energy, light headed, clenching, exploding like sensations,

etc.

Here are some ways trauma responses may show up continually in our lives

through the Parasympathetic Dorsal Response:

• Withdrawal, isolating self and not wanting to interact with others.

• Shut down, depression and wanting to sleep the majority of the time.

• Feeling foggy or numb, not feeling present in any given moment.

• Going through the motions without awareness, lights are on and functioning but no-one

is home.

• Disconnected from self, others, the world and spirit.

• Feeling lost, abandoned, or invisible.

• Disappearing into a state of not knowing, not being and not feeling, just giving up.

• Feeling like you will never measure up.

• Difficulties with memory.

• Numbness, heaviness, low energy, difficulty focusing, flat facial expressions, fogginess,

difficulty speaking, your body does not want to move.

• Apathy, depression, hopelessness, aloneness, slow shallow breathing, difficulty making

eye contact.

• Common sensations: numb, cold, limp, low energy, foggy, weightless, slow, short

breaths, inability to talk, jello-like, heavy, etc.

So often when people don’t understand their autonomic nervous systems responses to stressful events we can live day after day just feeling like we are STUCK in life. Like this is just what life has to offer. There is no hope. It’s just WHO we are. There is no way out. And so often the common long lasting effects of this stuck traumatic response is anxiety and depression.

Anxiety is having the foot stuck on the sympathetic peddle and depression is having the foot stuck on the parasympathetic dorsal pedal. Those responses don’t switch off and as a result we live a life stuck in these responses. 

Now another piece to this puzzle is….EMOTION.

And so often it is not realised that the emotions we feel at the time of a traumatic event IS the thing that felt unsafe. For instance….. in the case of a death, the emotion of grief or sadness can arise in the body.

We feel it through the sense of overwhelming sensation rising up through our body and we perceive that if we have to feel it in its entirety it might eat us alive. We won’t be able to cope, we will fall apart and not be able to carry on. So in this instance the danger is the emotion. The emotion is not safe to feel because if we do we may not be able to go on.

In service of survival, our autonomic nervous system flies into protective mode and activates a response to that emotion so that we do not have to feel that emotion in its entirety at the time. The emotion then gets stuck in our body through sensation. However, it sits underneath the response of the nervous system and we are often unaware it even exists. Until a similar event or another event that brings up the same emotion occurs again and instead of feeling that emotion we simply respond to it with examples of the above

sympathetic or parasympathetic responses.

For example ever noted that you fly off the handle when someone cuts you off in traffic?! Initially you get a fright, that cold heart feeling for a second but instead of feeling the entirety of that sensation in your body you go into an anger response but it feels completely disproportionate to what actually happened?

Or perhaps you noted this in a partner or friend when they were driving? Well that is a result of the sympathetic response to the fear emotion that is felt. It didn’t feel “safe” to actually feel that fear in the moment…maybe because you were driving or maybe because that fear remained in your body from another time when it felt that same fear and it wasn’t willing to go into feeling the intensity of that emotion again. 

So in a way to protect you from feeling that fear, it activated the sympathetic nervous system response of rage or fight. Aren’t we complex yet fascinating beings?

Our body is constantly working for us in service of survival. But if we are not aware of ourselves, our experiences and our responses to experiences we can often become stuck in this state of survival. So the biggest takeaway that I would love to gift you from reading all of this is the gift of curiosity and self inquiry?

How much of what you feel or what your symptoms are may be from your past experiences? And with that in mind, and learning how you tick, how empowering do you think it would be to actually start to investigate yourself? To go deeper into your body, your being and your nervous system to start to unravel and recreate yourself in a regulated way. The good news ……… you don’t have to stay stuck in these responses. There is another way to live. Our amazing bodies also have a system which is part of the parasympathetic branch, called the SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT SYSTEM.

The social engagement system is responsible for:

• Connection

• Collaboration

• Self compassion

• Comparison for others

When the social engagement system is on we can feel:

• Laughter, safety, being in the present moment, experiencing flow.

• Creativity, childlike wonder, play, intuition, desire, contentment.

• Homeostasis in mind/body.

• Purpose, empathy, love, compassion, joyful sexuality, intimacy.

• Relaxation in the body, energy levels are full but not over stimulated.

• Connection to self, others, nature, your own form of spirituality, and grounded in your

sense of truth.

When we feel safe in the world we can activate our social engagement system. When we feel safe in our bodies we can connect to, feel and move through the emotion that is stored within. When we start to do the “ME-search”, the research of getting to know how we tick, and how we can feel safe not only in our lives but in our bodies….. anything is possible. True change can occur. And this is the work I do with my clients. I provide safety, connection, regulation and collaboration with my clients so they can do the “ME-search”.

Together we can get curious, start to inquire within and find that sense of self that is not governed from the past but is a TRUE expression of WHO they really are despite your life experiences.

You can start to understand yourself at a deeper level and really reach towards a life of true purpose and meaning, not suffering. Does something resonate here for you? If so, feel free to get in contact with me for a free 15 minute discovery call, or you can book in via the NBIP website for an Initial Kinesiology session to get started. I am here in clinic every Thursday.

Hypnosis – The Secret Weapon for IVF Success

Whilst Hypnosis might not be the first thing that springs to mind when considering a complimentary IVF therapy, it is one that is growing in popularity and proving its rightful place in the world of fertility, pregnancy, birth and beyond.

In Australia, the number of couples and single women choosing to do IVF is on the rise each year and costs can add up quickly due to testing, medication and further cycles. So it’s important to understand how you can increase your success rate from the get go. Of course there are the obvious things like maintaining a healthy weight, diet and lifestyle, reducing your toxic load, as well as individualized supplementation to support egg and sperm quality. And then you have your complimentary therapies like Acupuncture which is now routinely recommended by most IVF clinics.

What is often overlooked is the disconnect between the mind and the body and the effect that emotional health plays on fertility and success rates. A 2007 study on the “Psychological impact of infertility” likened the stress and depression levels of women going through IVF to those going through cancer. In a 2000 “Reproductive Endocrinology” study it was also shown that women who adopted stress reduction techniques during their IVF cycle were more likely to be successful.

So Why Hypnosis?

It is a natural, safe and non-invasive way of targeting not only the emotional symptoms of infertility, but also the route causes. A 2014 study on the effects of complementary therapies and alternative medicine found hypnosis helpful in dealing with the impact of assisted reproductive technology, emotional stress and depression. Furthermore, a 2006 study conducted by Professor E Levitas showed that hypnosis during IVF, doubled success rates.

What Hypnosis Is and Isn’t

Thanks to TV, movies & stage show hypnosis, there are many myths and misconceptions about hypnosis, so lets clear some up right now… There are no spinning circles or swinging clocks, you can’t be forced into hypnosis or made to do anything against Your will and you certainly can’t get “stuck” in hypnosis. At any stage you could get up and walk out of the room and put the whole thing behind you without any side effects.

Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness that feels very natural and relaxing. It’s commonly described as that feeling just before you drift off to sleep. It calms the hypothalamus, putting the body into a parasympathetic state which supports the bodies innate healing power, bringing it back to it’s natural state of balance. In this state you can tap into the power of the mind and influence functions of the body through directed visualisation. Afterward you feel rested, rejuvenated and motivated with a new sense of calm and knowing.

Using hypnosis during conception, pregnancy and birth also increases maternal wellbeing, reduces rates of delivery complications and reduces risk of post-partum depression.

To book a discovery call or an appointment with our Fertility Coach and Hypnotherapist, Kate Walton, head to

https://nb-integrative-practioners.cliniko.com/bookings#service

Remedial Massage – A valuable experience.

Yesterday, I was able to fit into the diary my very own Remedial Massage to treat some injuries I have been harbouring ever since I stopped playing Rugby Union… about 7 years ago. I sincerely enjoyed seeing this therapist. The time and financial investment was greatly positive. After a quick evaluation into whether we were a ‘good fit’, and after gaining insight into my therapists initial understanding of my musculoskeletal constitution (how my muscles, bones and overall physical balance, has been assessed and treated), we agreed to continue the therapy which will assist my 2021 schedule.

I have been self treating these post-sport-40-something-year-old-ailments, through exercise, Internal Martial Arts, and a top of the range Solbasium Massage Gun with moderate success for as long as I can remember. Not taking this approach may have taken me down a much more different path, of higher chances of injury, and/or low energy levels with increased frequency and duration periods of lethargy. Both of these familiar physiology patterns can be readily propped up with at-home products to temporarily give relief, and pharmaceuticals which we know are heavily marketed and saturates the wellness field.

I was sub-par…. I was getting through, but robbing Peter to pay Paul. I was chasing my tail….I knew over the course of the year, I would not grow and learn, and adapt, to meet the achievements I set for myself.. Modestly speaking too…

I would stay idle, and granted, still have those characteristics I enjoy to be, still earn money and live out each day, and still be in an occupation I enjoy……still sleep relatively well, yet not grow and learn, and become the adaptable and resilient human I know I will need going forward. 

To give this context, I’ll share an analogy.

Being in the back seat of life or driving the car! ….

Consider the experiences when you compare listening to fine opera on the radio, with sitting in the audience at the same orchestral performance. 

The former is comfortable, yes…… maybe with a glass of wine, yet the actual experience is a sensory stimulus unmatched. Immersed visually, auditorially, and even felt! The energy when you place your butt on a chair with many others to enjoy the contoured ebbs and flows of refined music… does not compare to the at-home eversion. 

My experience with Natalie, and how she was able to palpate the kinetic chains in my body that have formed to create imbalances to then create injuries (but not yet pain – I am in front of that before it starts!) was akin to another level I want you the reader to really understand. Find yourself an amazing remedial therapist!

I am now self affirming my responsibility to take charge of my health. With the help of Natalie and her experience and professionalism.

Now the analogy that compares a massage to anthoer remedial massage. 

A tree is not a Tree until it bears fruit.

I once was part of a small audience at an opera in a village on Lake Maggiore, Italy. It was free, and it was adorned by locals dressed to the nines! The experience was one where in the midst of the full production, I was frozen soft. That means, so compelled and relaxed, that I did not want to be anywhere else. The sopranos, the baritones, the tenors, which I was later to learn their roles and physical powers of particular projection, all by their joy for their work, made the audiences experience, like my therapist did for me during our hour of massage, one that is a meaningful devotion towards what a great decision is toward a good decision. What life can be like, or what the other life can be like. 

I could not expect the opera would give so much. Nor the same with Natalie. I let go on each occasion, and let go …. To what will be, will be.

Successful Fat loss tips from a Nutritionist

1. Fat- Good quality fat in your diet does not make you fat. A long-term high fibre, higher fat and lower carbohydrate diet will have a positive influence on fat loss outcomes. This will have a positive effect on blood sugar control and lipid profile, unlike a low-fat diet.

2. Optimal gut health- We have trillions of microbes in our gut and they can be health promoting or health reducing. They are particularly important and responsible for many things such as moderating inflammation, regulating our immune system and certain hormones. They play a role in fat storage, hunger and digestion, some studies show that these microbes can influence your glycaemic response to food and even our susceptibility to carry extra weight. Key to a healthy microbiome is a diet full of variety and diversity.

3. Stress- Stress hormones (adrenalin and cortisol) influence blood sugar control and in turn negatively impact fat burning capacity. In today’s world chronic low-grade stress is not uncommon this can be from work, relationships, lack of sleep or environmental toxins.

4. Exercise – Don’t forget to move your body particularly weight training.

5. Nutritionally dense food-To loss fat we need to use it for energy and there are key nutrients required. Adequate levels of iron, Vitamin D, B12, iodine, selenium and zinc are needed to influence hormone balance and thyroid function.

Loosing weight should be a healthy promoting experience not about starving, counting calorie and eating bland food. There is no magic pill but there is support and guidance from your nutritionist or naturopath. 02 8406 0679

New Year, New You?

We are well into the New Year and it’s a great opportunity to check in with yourself. Usually the beginning of the year is a time to set goals or targets for your health, family or even work life.
The start of 2021 wasn’t as expected and therefore it is important to have that check in. Look internally to yourself and ask yourself the question where would you like to be? Is that physically? Is that mentally? Is it socially?
Now don’t be afraid, this process may take a while and you don’t have to come to those conclusions immediately but once you’ve arrived there is a whole world out there open to you. It has that potential to free you and move forwards with this year. To look ahead positively and with excitement, it is that excitement that I really love about new beginnings, new goals or even a slightly different perspective on what is “normal”
All of us here at NBIP can assist you with your goals we can help prime you for the year ahead as well as supporting you every step of the way – we have an extremely nurturing team who absolutely love to help. Now is the perfect time to take advantage of our free discovery calls to do just that. Discover your potential with our help every step of the way.
Personally my goal for 2021 is to look on the bright side of everything, this past year has challenged us all in more ways than we can even begin to list so it’s not always easy but that silver lining is always there if you look for it

Summer Care and Seasonal living with Traditional Chinese Medicine

Living in harmony with nature is one of the great teachings of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). Staying in tune with the season helps to strengthen the immune system, protect against season allergens, assists to stabilise energy along with balancing the mood and spirit.

The summer season in TCM is the most yang time of the year, the days are warm and long, energy feels abundant and summer is all about expansion, growth and creativity. In 5 element theory, summer corresponds to the element fire and associated meridian the heart, mind and spirit. When the fire element is in balance, our mind is calm, emotions balanced, thoughts clear and sleep sound. Feelings of agitation, vivid dream disturbed sleep, a lack of joy (depression) or an excess of joy (mania) may indicate an imbalance.

The natural cycle of produce is perfectly and intelligently designed to support our health.

Below are some examples of foods that may help protect you during the summer season and adjust the body’s temperature, helping to keep you cool and balanced.

Fruits such as; Watermelon, rockmelon, honeydew,lemon, peach, orange, lemon

Vegetables and herbs such as; Broccoli, cabbage, spinach, sprouts, asparagus, watercress, mint, dill

Consume more fluids, or foods with more water content and electrolytes such as watermelon and coconut water

Engage in practices which calm the spirit and rest the mind.

Add more energetic exercise to your daily regime! Get the blood moving!

Add more pungent flavours to your diet

Traditional Chinese Medicine takes the individual and their specific symptoms, history and constitution into account.These are general guidelines for keeping your internal landscape in harmony with the external.

Silly season getting you a little too hot and bothered? Get Acupuncture! Acupuncture works deeply on the inner landscape of the body bringing it back to balance and harmony.

Can Acupuncture help Pelvic Pain?

Acupuncture and herbal medicine has been used for women’s hormone health for over 2000 years. These days we work on creating a marked change in symptoms by re-balancing hormones via decreasing the body’s heightened stress response & improving blood flow to the ovaries and uterus, which further helps manage pain.

Acupuncture is increasingly being sought after to reduce chronic pelvic pain, and studies back this up, showing Acupuncture’s acceleration of the nervous system response to produce endogenous opioid peptides & achieve peripheral analgesia.

We’re currently seeing a notable increase in research coming out around pelvic pain associated to period pain and/or Endometriosis; an Australian 2017 clinical trial by Armour et al. found ‘Acupuncture treatment reduced menstrual pain intensity and duration after three months of treatment and this was sustained for up to one year after trial entry’. Acupuncture has also been shown to be more effective than hormone drug therapy for endometriosis & in addition to this, a meta-analysis of Acupuncture effects on Endometriosis related pain found that while more studies are needed in this under-represented area, a reduction was found in both pain and in CA-125; a marker associated with Endometriosis. Everyone’s case is different, and treatment frequency varies based on a variety of factors, however a higher frequency of treatments during the first few cycles in women is common.

 

Pelvic pain can however impact both men and women, and ranges in severity and duration. Most typically, men may experience pelvic pain in relation to prostatitis, while women are more likely to experience pelvic pain due to their menstrual cycles or endometriosis pain.

In managing any type of chronic pelvic pain, we first look at symptom progression, including whether there is an change in pain during stress, sex, menstrual cycle where relevant, or other activities. Acupuncture treatments are safe to start before any other investigations are made, however we may advise you to seek out additional care if required. Acupuncture treatments for pelvic pain look towards a well-rounded approach; combining constitutional factors alongside variables such as sleep, food and stressors, in order to create a personalised Acupuncture prescription. From here we also monitor any changes or reductions in severity and duration of pain & may prescribe herbal formula/advice on supplements to best assist.

References

Armour M, Dahlen HG, Zhu X, Farquhar C, Smith CA (2017) The role of treatment timing and mode of stimulation in the treatment of primary dysmenorrhea with acupuncture: An exploratory randomised controlled trial. PLoS ONE 12(7): e0180177. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0180177

Acupuncture versus sham acupuncture for chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain.

Lee SW, Liong ML, Yuen KH, Leong WS, Chee C, Cheah PY, Choong WP, Wu Y, Khan N, Choong WL, Yap HW, Krieger JN

Am J Med. 2008 Jan; 121(1):79.e1-7.

Li QQ, Shi GX, Xu Q, Wang J, Liu CZ, Wang LP. Acupuncture effect and central autonomic regulation. Evid Based Complement Alternat Med. 2013;2013:267959. doi: 10.1155/2013/267959. Epub 2013 May 26. PMID: 23762116; PMCID: PMC3677642.

Stener-Victorin E, Waldenstrom U, Andersson SA, Wikland M, Reduction of blood flow impedance in the uterine arteries of infertile women with electro-acupuncture, Human Reproduction, Volume 11, Issue 6, June 1996, Pages 1314–1317, https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordjournals.humrep.a019378

Xu Y, Zhao W, Li T, Zhao Y, Bu H, Song S (2017) Effects of acupuncture for the treatment of endometriosis-related pain: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLoS ONE 12(10): e0186616.

Motherhood and Shame

So often I hear in clinic the words mother and shame linked together. 

Stories of how women constantly feel shame around their mothering, their patterns in mothering and how no matter how hard they try, they can’t seem to change and find ease and grace in their day.

They don’t feel good enough as mothers.

They can’t hold consistent boundaries.

They can’t hold consistent anythings.

The shame and guilt kicks in.

It’s all so hard, it’s all so exhausting and there just seems to be no way out.

I get it.

I absolutely get it with all my heart.

I’m a mother.

And just because I work in this field, does not make me immune to those feelings.

I haven’t magically worked through all of my human feels, never to feel those feelings again.

But I have spent a long time working on my own shame in mothering. 

And in understanding it and releasing layers of it, I can now support other women in doing the same.

Sometimes we find ourselves so stuck.

With no growth happening.

We get frozen by our own shame.

Shame that was often instilled and planted back in early childhood.

Shame can be the silent, unacknowledged and even sometimes unconscious thing that holds us back from creating real lasting change in our lives.

It can be the thing that is keeping us stuck in our own self imposed prison of sameness.

As mothers we may find ourselves doing the same things over and over again.

Waking up in the morning promising ourselves we won’t yell at the kids today.

Or we won’t rush them out the door.

Or fob them off when they are coming to us for something they need. 

Or we will put those boundaries in place and say no when no is needed. 

We have so much well meaning.

And within an hour, we have fallen off the wagon.

Snapped at our child for spilling juice.

Yelled at the kids for taking too long to get dressed for school.

Numbed out to what the kids needed from us. 

Said yes to our kids when we really want to be saying no.

Or given in because it was just too grating on our nervous systems to hear the constant whinging.

And all the while watching ourselves as we do these things, knowing that we don’t want to be this way…..but not being able to stop ourselves as we fall back into a well worn cycle of guilt and shame. 

Not wanting to, but not knowing how to get out of the rut. 

It’s debilitating doing the same things over and over and wanting change so desperately it aches in our bones but then no matter what we try, we just keep catapulting back to the the same pattern

The same old habits.

Sometimes the habits change, but never the less they are still things in our life that we  feel we have no control over and there it is ….. that deep dark current underpinning it all.

Shame.

Shame to admit we are stuck.

Shame to admit that we tried and failed.

Shame to show people where we have gotten to and for how long we have been there.

Shame that we should know better.

Shame that we didn’t know better.

Shame that we don’t know how to help ourselves.

All of it, keeping us held and stuck in this cycle.

The common denominator here, this shame factor is a symptom of something more.

It’s symptomatic of knowing we don’t want to be doing the things we are, but not knowing how to stop.

The key here is first working with neutralising shame by understanding that you absolutely are stuck.

And this is evolutionary.

You are stuck in the same pattern by evolutionary human design.

Stay with me whilst I explain this a little further. 

Humans are prehistoric beings. 

Our brains and bodies still function at that level.

In order for our survival ( and survival of human species ), our main focus is safety.

Our subconscious brain and nervous systems are wired to scan for safety every minute of every day.

What promotes safety?

Sameness and consistency.

If we know what is coming then we can stay safe ( prehistorically keeping us alive. )

So logically whilst some of the patterns we are playing out in our mothering don’t serve us and we wish so desperately to change, on a subconscious level they will keep playing out because they are keeping us safe and are predictable.

Predictability = safety. 

In the language of evolution which is the language our body is foundationally speaking, that which is predictable is safer than that which is not.

So even though you may think you are living from your logic mind.

You aren’t.

You are absolutely living from the patterning and beliefs of your subconscious, in order to say safe, stay alive and keep the human species alive.

And this is why you may be playing out those patterns day in and day out.

Your subconscious prefers it that way.

You may be playing out old patterns that have been with you from childhood.

Playing out your parents patterns even. 

Because they are predictable to your subconscious mind.

And that is why they have been so hard to change.

So ultimately, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

It is actually what the brain and body is designed to do.

Until you are ABLE to start to make conscious changes. 

Changes of imprinting new safety in your body.

Which brings safety to change those patterns.

So how does knowing all of this help you change and shift patterns in your mothering? 

Well, first by understanding how you tick at a core level, and understanding why patterns are the way they are.

Second, by bringing what is subconscious ( or unknown to the logic mind ), to the front brain, your logic mind, so you actually know what you need to change.

And thirdly by working with your nervous system.

Your nervous system is the clever inbuilt survival system that absolutely dictates your every move.

In order to create change the nervous system needs to find a baseline of safety and calm. 

Often in life the nervous system is running at some level of stress (especially in motherhood). 

When it finds level of safety and calm, it can then start to allow the subconscious wounds, shadow parts of self, experiences, trauma, generational and familial patterning to come up, be acknowledged by your logical brain ( so you can see what and why you have been playing out these patterns ), be felt through the body and then be released.

Making way for new patterns to be formed and created and change to occur.

And then this starts to make way for a whole new way of being.

As a mother, as a woman and as a human in this world. 

We start to find freedom from our perceived stuckness and begin to meet parts of ourselves that we never knew existed. 

We can start to create a life on our terms and with flow, freeing ourselves from shame. 

So to round this up instead of looking at shame to be something “shameful” of, maybe we could look at it as a messenger.

When we feel shame we could see it as a sign that yes, our body is doing what it needs to do to be safe at an evolutionary level, but also that there is a part of us as mothers that are ready for change and growth.

And when we are changing and growing as mothers, this gives our children the permission to do the same for themselves.

When we are working on ourselves, it benefits not only us, but our whole family.

When we are free, so are our kids. 

We change the familial cycle that is passed from generation to generation.

We get to stop that cycle with us.

Yes, we are that powerful as mothers.

If any of this resonates with you, and you feel called to go deeper in learning more and working with your own subconscious patterning to see what you are holding in your body, you can book in with me for Intuitive Kinesiology and Energy Healing sessions on Mondays and Thursdays.

I welcome all shame with no judgement but as a tool we can use to empower you and catapult you into your growth and evolution at a conscious level.

I look forward to helping you find freedom and flow in your mothering journey. 

Could Everything You’re Doing to get Pregnant be the Reason You’re Not Pregnant Yet?

There are some of us that would never leave things to chance, fate or destiny.

We prefer to have a planned process starting with a Dr check-up, some blood work, pre-natal vitamins and some fun in the bedroom. We assume things will happen relatively quickly because we’re young and healthy, but when nothing happens in those first few months, we start to wonder if there is something more that we could be doing to ensure that BFP (Big Fat Positive).

Quickly the “plan” you started with turns into more of a project of sorts and the first port of call is of

course good ole’ Dr Google. You reduce your caffeine and alcohol intake, start eating cleaner and get your partner taking a men’s fertility multivitamin. After baby dancing you awkwardly throw your legs up the wall or cycle them to help the little swimmers on their journey… but still nothing.

Every month that goes by you feel a mounting level of pressure, sadness and grief as that unwanted visitor arrives. It feels so heavy and even though your partner consoles you in the best way they know how, you feel incredibly confused and alone in your journey especially when others around you seem to be falling pregnant so easily.

Does this sound familiar?

Convinced there is still more you can do, you continue on with your previous protocol but throw in some sperm friendly lubricant, step up your lifestyle changes to include cutting out toxins from your home, you cut out alcohol completely and start booking appointments with alternative health providers and an OBGYN to run a new range of different tests to rule out any underlying issues. Your calendar is filling up fast, you feel like you’re spending a fortune on pills, potions and appointments. This causes you to become less productive at work as you need time off and aren’t as focused as you once were and to top it off you’ve thrown your back out from all that awkward leg work!

Sound about right? So, what is going on?

Whilst there is nothing “wrong” with getting healthier and seeking help and support from others, planning the biggest event in your life to date, perhaps one that you’ve been dreaming about since you were a little girl has now become next level pressure! Research has shown that women going through infertility and IVF have depression and stress levels similar to those with heart disease, AIDS and cancer.

This stress is not a great friend of fertility. Stress in the body kickstarts a chain of events to save us from primitive life threats such as the sabretooth tiger by slowing or shutting down unimportant functions such as digestion and reproduction. Putting mounting pressure on yourself means you could be repelling the very thing you want the most. Yet it is the one thing that health professionals don’t take into

consideration when seeing a patient going through infertility. I understand first hand that attempting to get out of this cycle feels incredibly difficult, so I’ve put together my top tips to help you increase your fertility and bring back the joy in your life!

Kate’s Top 10 Tips to reduce the stress & improve your chances of getting pregnant

1. Be Kind To Yourself

Know that you are not alone, you haven’t done anything wrong, you are not to blame, you are not broken and in time, this too shall pass. “Surrender to what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be”

2. Get Curious

Vibe Marie Kondo and ask yourself if all the things you are doing to fall pregnant are sparking joy or causing more stress. If it is not enjoyable then give it a rest. Are there other emotional blocks at play? What are the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your ability or inability to conceive, give birth or be a parent?

3. Reduce your stress

Take some time to think about different areas of your life that could be adding to your stress levels and how you can reduce the burden on yourself. Areas to look at might include work, finances, health, lifestyle, friendships, family, romance (or lack thereof), your physical environment where you spend majority of your time.

4. Get Enough Sleep

Sleep is incredibly important for proper rest and repair of our bodies. If you are lying awake at night thinking about your fertility journey then make sure you have a consistent night time ritual to wind your body down for the night. Things like a bath or shower, journal writing, no tv or electronic devices and turn the dimmer down on lights in your home.

5. Self Care

Make an effort to schedule in a good dose of rest and relaxation. Get regular massages, float tanks, lie on the beach, meditate, long hot bath with some candles and aromatherapy, take a nanna nap, go for a walk in nature – whatever floats your boat.

6. Take time off

How many times have you been told by a well meaning relative or friends to “just relax” or “go on a holiday” it’s frustrating and even angering, I get it! I’ve been there myself, however taking time off from all the stresses in life can be just what the Dr ordered and a great way to divert your focus.

7. Talk to someone

The emotional toll for someone going through infertility is unexplainable to anyone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. It is crucial to have a good support network around you and process the loss and grief that you are feeling whether it be with a friend, family member or counsellor.

8. Redirect Control

I personally found this was the toughest part of the journey… I put my whole life on hold till we fell pregnant. Big holidays, job opportunities, new car, music festivals and concerts because “what if I’m pregnant?”. The truth is none of it matters, you’ll figure it out if and when it happens. My best advice is not to say no to things or plan things “in case”. Instead create new and exciting plans and goals and start working on them. Take that need to control and redirect it into something else. When those obsessing thoughts come to you, simply say hi and goodbye, repeat a supportive positive supportive affirmation to yourself and think about that new goal and the next step toward achieving it.

9. Have Fun

Look after your relationship and spend quality time together doing things you both love. Spend time with friends and family that enrich your life and put a smile on your face. Learn a new skill or explore your creative side and bring more playfulness and fun in.

10. Fertility Coaching & Hypnosis

Fertility Coaching and Hypnotherapy probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when trying to conceive because it’s a relatively new thing however the benefits can be life changing. 

A Fertility Coach will usually have their own personal experience with infertility and have credible training in their field. It is their job to support you in your journey by being someone to talk to, teach you tools and techniques to reduce your stress, release the fear, reframe your situation, plan those next steps and have you enjoying your life again. 

Hypnosis for fertility has shown to double the success rate of IVF patients and reduce stress significantly. 

If you can create a renewed sense of self love, balance and fun in your life you will be more likely to invite new life in and enjoy the process while you are at it versus creating a deterring energy of stress, control, overthinking and obsession. Start by implementing a few of these tips into your life today and see how they make you feel.

The Anatomy of Massage

A Beginners Guide – Principal #1

Our bodies are certainly remarkable. This year 2020, has provided introspection for many, into the world at large, gratitude for the country we live in, focus on family life, and how we individually can influence our immune system and remain healthy amongst uncertainty.

My occupation allows me to meet people whom present ailments and injuries, in a passive and relaxed environment on the massage table. It is my role to prepare clients for change, via relaxing the nervous system and creating rapport to elicit this change. Sometimes simply mild massage which allows one to sleep and drift away from reality, other times, the time can be very interactive.

It can be advantageous during the time together, to observe a person move when assessing their presenting conditions, offer them video tutorials post massage of stretches and mobility drills, and check in with them as a duty of care in response to their recovery.

The body is connected through fibrous links (fascia) that interconnect muscles. This as human functionality can be seen through walking, running, throwing a ball, and many other everyday patterns of movement.

There are particular principals I share, that will help people understand the complex systems within the body. These principals reshape the clients physiological viewpoint and aid the client toward improved health, and at the very least a better understanding of their body.

One principal, I will share in this blog!

The software = the brain, the nervous system, the organs and the electrical circuits

(neurotransmitters).

The hardware = the muscles, the bones and the soft tissue that connect both together.

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The general rule of thumb is – the software is more important than the hardware. The hardware protects the software, just as a hardened plastic covering, protects a micro chip and circuitry within a computer.

Firstly, the skeleton literally mesh's with a cooperative synergy of soft tissue (which is my speciality!) including muscles, fascia which envelope whilst nourishing muscle, and the more fibrous tendons and ligaments both of which are robustly nifty at connecting our muscles to our bones. I call all this the hardware of the body!

Secondly, the software of the body! The brain, the spinal cord and all the nerves that plug into muscles and metaphorically light them up, are all one part of our software. For the sake of not leaving out other software examples, the other part, and by no way lesser, the multiple organs shaped as pipes, bags, porous coverings and live pulsating cogs in an efficient wheel, the endocrine system (hormonal glands) which are physiologically placed almost circuitry through the midline of the body, and the lymphatic system which have a multifaceted duty of cleaning, alerting the immune system, and issuing clearance of hormones and fluids throughout the cells, all contribute to what is our collective software that works in coordination with our hardware.

Have you ever felt that your muscles have harboured an imbalance or a recurring niggle or injury that is hard to get rid of? This common issue can have a better chance at clearing, by way of using this principal.

This conceivable reference to a computer, is an ideal way to give you the reader, the owner of a body, and the person that has the exponential ability to perform and recover an insurmountable raft of experiences, a new understanding of how your body and mind coexist in action and recovery. Our body is always regenerating. It is always changing. It never wants pain and only shows us pain when an injury or disease is just around the corner. The muscles and bones will remould, will reform under a new mind patterning. To teach is to learn and to learn is to change. Our bodies are built for stress and are malleable… only through the persistent use of principals, do we become balanced and resident to the struggle and stressors that we can only see them as life itself and not a burden.

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Feel yourself yield to giving yourself a break and allowing a challenge to slow you down and let your mind, teach your muscles to a new way of moving. It does show us a new path of health. It does enhance our brain grey matter, and it does afford a better life and a better massage